The Mongolians

Exercise, Subway, Roommates, Neighbors, and Politics (not really politics)

Vacation!

For my age and the fact that I have never worked in an emergency service, I think I have seen more than my fair share of cars in unusual positions. I have seen at least 2 cars flipped over on their heads, a car burn to the ground for no reason, my truck smashed across 3 lanes, a tire almost hit my windshield from the car of a drunk driver who's main concern was finding his cell phone after hitting a guard rail, and more events that my mind has chosen to forget. This one might be my "favorite".

IMG_1265
This kid's parents are going to beat him

Good Morning
I live very close to a high school


Tomorrow I will be in a place where the residents are born on the sides of mountains and learn to kill their first elk at 5-years-old. I hope they know how to drive better in Colorado.

posted by Ghengis @ 7:22 PM, ,

Unitary Resource Model

I am so relieved to find that Fox has written a letter to address American Muslims' fears regarding how difficult it is for the general public to discern between what they see on TV shows like 24 and what they see in real life, such as the grocery store. With all of that techno jargon like "re-boot the routers" and "send that to my PDA" combined the non-stop edge-of-your-seat action, sometimes I have trouble keeping up with what is fact and what is fiction.

Sometimes when I'm watching 24, on Monday nights at 9:00 Eastern, I see a house on the TV that looks like mine. My heart always skips a beat because I think that Jack Bauer may be battling terrorists directly outside of my front door and I will be able to invite him inside so he can climb around in my air ducts with a lamp cord where he lies in wait in order to jump out of the vent and shock the terrorist's nipples when the terrorist is trying to force me to give him the launch codes.

When I see my house on TV, I always scramble to the door and scream, "JACK! JACK! IN HERE JACK! LET ME HELP!" I check both sides of the house scrambling around in the snow wearing usually only a pair of shorts (standard 24 watching clothes). Sometimes I have socks on and they get all soaked and I have to do laundry a day early. My neighbor, Jack, always frantically runs over in a bath robe to see what the problem is this time. Stupid civilian. I have to tell him to "GET DOWN" because there are terrorists trying to blow up the neighborhood.

By the time I get back inside the 24 TV window has changed to a picture of the president or a computer room and it is usually daylight on TV when it is night time at my house. Must be that Daylight Saving Time playing tricks on me again. I will have to wait until next time to play the hero.

I wish that other TV shows would come out with a fact/fiction guide so I can keep from embarrassing myself in public. One of my other favorite TV shows is Heroes. The other day on Heroes the Japanese guy used his mind to slow down time so he could steal a wooden sword from a museum. I immediately called Homeland Security to tell them what I had witnessed. I suggested that all Japanese people be rounded up and put in to camps until they can find all of the thieves. And guess what? They laughed at me!

I explained that I am not racist. I know that not all Japanese people use their time stopping power to steal things. But, do you ever see other races stopping time to steal ancient relics? I think not. Who's going to be laughing the next time you're standing next to the Washington Monument or the Largest Ball of Twine when a Japanese guy walks up and all of the sudden - it's gone? I don't think that's very funny.

No one is going to be laughing when parents leave their children are mauled by the seemingly friendly big purple dinosaur. It won't be so funny if a child gets hepatitis from choosing to eat his pizza in the sewers and learning everything they know about fighting from the sewer's rat population. I think the last straw will be when massive overcrowding occurs in nursing homes across the nation as millions of old people put their hand over Pat Roberston's hand on the TV and then their care-giving adult children come home and find a hand print on the new plasma so they send grandma to the home.

Thank you 24 and Fox for helping us keep things in the correct perspectives. I hope other networks follow suit. Meanwhile, even though you are producing high quality TV entertainment, Discovery HD leads the pack with the best show on television.

Sunrise Earth
Pros: No Talking
Cons: Not on often enough

posted by Ghengis @ 5:24 PM, ,

Midwest Madness

Years ago I drained the last $1.68 in my acocunt to win $694 on the Florida Marlins to take the World Series. The Marlins didn't make it that year... but they did the year after. The year I did not wager anything.

Since then I have felt due for the big pay-off. Every sport deserves a $5 spot on a calculated longshot before that respective sport's seasons begins. I thought this was the year that the since named "Marlins bet" would pay off.

December 6th actually placed earlier in the year.

Drew Brees was supposed to be paying for my vaction next week, but he failed me again. I refuse to fake being a Colts fan or hanging out with people who HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH THE COLTS FOREVER for the last two weeks. I also have trouble rooting for the Bears since they made me cry on Sunday.

Instead I'm going to Denver during the Super Bowl to be a snow fan. Go Sports!




Ok. Go Bears!

posted by Ghengis @ 4:51 PM, ,

Candid Public Defender

Dear Dan:

Thank you for your recent email about our "Helping Hand" advertising
campaign. We appreciate your candid feedback.

This campaign was designed to promote Office Depot as a 'helping hand'
to our customers by focusing on our efforts to provide you with
innovative products, services and solutions. It also serves to reinforce our
longstanding commitment to serving as a trusted partner that you can
count on to get the job done right and provide outstanding customer
service.

I am sorry to learn that you did not like the advertisement and I will
make sure that your feedback is shared with our Advertising Department.
Most companies, large and small, will promote their business through
various means of advertising. However, the most effective way to measure
a company is to judge them based on the way that they serve you when
given the opportunity to earn your business. I want to assure you that
all of us at Office Depot will work very hard to ensure that we are
always worthy of your trust and confidence.
Thank you again for your comments. I hope you will continue to place
your business with us.

Crazy Office Depot Lady


I like how she had to explain to me that I can not base my opinion of their company based on the commercials they put on the air. Thanks for the tip coach... That's like telling a job interviewer not to judge you based on the tattered clothes you are wearing, the tattoo across your face, and the fact that you wrote your resume in crayon.

Staples advertises on The Office and doesn't bother me on the radio.

Advantage: Staples

posted by Ghengis @ 4:40 PM, ,

Big News

They built a new gas station close to my house by the gym. This was pretty exciting for the neighborhood since the nearest gas station was formerly about a mile away. The neighborhood collectively celebrated by staying indoors and not talking to each other (except for the neighbor kid who says hi to me when I get home from work and wants to show me a stick he found on the ground).

The gas station has been open for a couple of weeks, but it looks like they are already having problems.

The village to the North of our city is ruled by hillbillies. The gas station was strategically placed as a buffer between the city and the village. Rumor has it that someone from the city was trying to make the village people stop coming into the civilized area. That person told someone in the village that the gas was free at the new gas station.

The hillbillies came in droves to acquire the fuel owed to them. The gas station had to respond quickly and put up signs to make the hillbillies go away. The thinking was that credit cards make the hillbilly baby Jesus cry and since hillbillies don't have shoes they can't go inside of the store. This catch-22, however, was thwarted by the fact that hillbillies can't read.

The plan was a success when the road to the city was clogged with hillbilly cars and trucks waiting for the hillbillies who were trying to figure out how to make the gas come out. Some even tried to use their mouth to siphon it out.

For bonus points I had a great excuse for not going to the gym.

posted by Ghengis @ 10:43 PM, ,

First the wine, then the world

Woot Wine
WINE

If I owned a company, you know the stationary would look something like this.

That makes me fear for parts of the world that I own. I am addicted to owning the world. Do not click on that link unless you do not value things such as: personal hygiene, health, social life, money in your pocket, and idle resting time for your brain when it is not thinking of things it needs to own on the earth that no one else has thought of yet. It is capitalism at its absolute worst and I love it.

posted by Ghengis @ 11:57 PM, ,

Undead Party has Risen

The announcement for my bid for congress will come with a promise to take my swearing in photo-op with a hand on the Necronomicon. I will promise to the voters that I will uphold the laws of the United States and use the dark tome to gather legislative inspiration. No more will there be a discussion of the draft when the secret to an army of the undead is finally achieved. Funding for time machine research to be increased.

The future holds for a war with medieval France.

I'm sure there will not be a media frenzy over this since it means absolutely nothing what book your hand is on when you get your picture taken after your vows, but you already knew that. The bats flying over my desk and the dark clouds that follow where ever I go, however, may make effective media fodder. Never mind the hooded robe and the frequent all-Aramaic filibusters.


I am also making a promise for today. If anyone that I know wants to discuss any news regarding who may or may not be, or who I think is going to be a 2008 presidential candidate until... lets say until spring of 2008; Today I promise to make that conversation end abruptly with a sharp punch in the neck. I have never punched anyone in the neck so it might take a few tries to get it right. If, however, an inordinate amount of people have already tried to talk to me about political speculation, you might catch me in a pro neck-puncher state. I have been practising against the TV. I promise to leave your neck sore and a bruise that will not be mistaken for a hickey.

If you do want to be proven right about political speculation, I suggest to put the talking aside and your money on the table. I know a great site where you can put your wager and I get a 20% referral bonus.

posted by Ghengis @ 9:45 PM, ,


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    I'm Ghengis From Mongolia I like climbing, hopping across rocks in running water, and becoming an old man who is worried about the lawn. I hope today is friday.
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