Happy Birthday Jesus
Sunday, December 24, 2006
If you use more than 3 pieces of tape to wrap a present... then you know how to wrap like I do.
Bonus points if you have been using the same wrapping paper for the last 3 years.
Happy Christmas, again.
posted by Ghengis @ 3:02 PM,
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From the Tears of Newscasters
Thursday, December 21, 2006
It is about that time of year again where I whine and complain (hypocritically) about the news people whining and complaining about an inevitable yearly event. No, it is not a week long analytical media frenzy over the comments of a since forgotten celebrity or a rehashing of a completely pointless socio-economical political issue. It snows every year. It snows every year and the news can not help but to fall over each other to report each season as a national disaster.
I just saw Brian Williams portray Denver's blizzard as one of these disaster areas. The segment was played over horror movie music. It was the music that plays when something bad is about to happen. When the killer is sneaking up on one of the characters who was pegged to die from the start of the movie. They had a file footage clip of a woman with mascara running down her cheeks and pounding a jagged wooden door with both fists; screaming, "HELP HELP!".
When they returned to the live reporter he was holding a architect's T ruler. Standing on top of a snow drift he plunged the ruler into the drift and showed it to the camera. Now we had the proof of the depth of the snow drift. We could not take his word for how deep the snow plow had piled the snow on the side of the fucking road this morning.
Next the music took a dooming turn for the worse while they showed clips of people stuck at the airport. Smiling little girls to play forced to play Uno with each other; little kids napping on their parent's laps; and a woman who had nothing to eat but one of 20 different choices at the Chili's To-Go stand.They went on to show how horrible it was one of the storm victims to dig a car out from under the snow. The reporter held his distance while the man went to work. "The snow actually made the conscious decision to bury the car and freeze to encased it in ice and make this poor man's job more difficult," the reporter stated. But, even with the doomy music in the background, the man digging his car out still had a smile on his face. What a bastard he was for enjoying the worst thing to happen to anyone in the world ever. The reporter even went so far as to surmise that it was the President who caused this storm (just like he caused the hurricanes to attack the black people last year) because he is too old to ski anymore and wanted to ruin everyone's vacation who was young enough to still have the ability.
Meanwhile people like myself have to be relegated to the lunatic fringe for wanting, hoping, praying for snow for the last two months. Bring it over here in the part of the country that nobody cares about anyway.
Happy Christmas everybody.
posted by Ghengis @ 6:37 PM,
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Dong
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Since all of the disease news has come out about Taco Bell, I have eaten there 3 times after not eating it for months. (One of those times I had not even been drinking).
Who cares what the news is about! They are talking about food!
I'm sure they've got their finest food detectives dragging out the verdict on the diseased food culpret until they have had enough free advertising to boost fourth quarter profits. Meanwhile I will be a happy (mindless) supporter of their insidious bid at winning the Fast Food Wars. Well, at least happy until the next day.
posted by Ghengis @ 5:26 PM,
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Eating Horrible Things
Sunday, December 10, 2006
I got to take my new eyes to a high school football game this weekend. The NFL was doing a charity event and they let the high school kids play against them. The NFL sent one of their worst teams up against the high school team, but they took no mercy on them.
Our section was randomly selected to be the predetermined section to be the loudest at a certain time so they passed out severed Lions tails to every single person in the section (married people too). There was a girl crying because something fell out of her purse and she couldn't find it and children crying as my friend (a fan of the high school team) destroyed his severed lion tail in frustrated anger.
It makes me angry that people do not put their hands over their hearts during the anthem. It is an activity that is so easy, you can even hold your beer in your left hand while you do it.
I ate horrible (delicious) foods, beat a (girl) Michigan state bowling champ at Silver Strike, wore the same clothes (hoodie) for 30 hours straight, and got to sleep at a crazy (crazy) person's house. It was a pretty normal weekend.
posted by Ghengis @ 11:48 PM,
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