Stop Wining
Thursday, July 12, 2007
I woke up late for work the other day. I keep my boots in the truck so when I walk to the garage I am in my socks still. On my way out I stepped in something wet. There was a narrow, straight line of water on the floor going between the two counter tops. I looked at the counter and it was wet too, with a straight line of water inline with the water below on the floor.I checked the ceiling but there was no cracks or wet spots up there. It was also impossible for the ceiling to leak because that would require some sort of water such as rain. Remember when it used to rain? I can't wait to tell my grandkids all about rain.
The cabinet was also wet. Actually the cabinets were wet on both sides inline with the counter top and the floor line of water. I smelled the counter top. It hardly had a smell but it was bubbly and had a hint of yeast to it. So some food thing exploded? I didn't have any food things that had the energy to explode let alone the intelligence to go in a straight line.
If I had ever watched CIS I probably would have got it right away. The spray pattern, the smell, the cork sitting on the counter for no apparent reason... It took a few minutes but I finally realized that Mr. Wine did it with the Bottle in the Kitchen.
This can happen to anybody.
It's said that wine improves as it ages. It turns out this is only true if it stays in the bottle. Adolescent wine often takes the opportunity to revolt. Sometimes it succeeds. This wine was in its "terrible twos". It wants to be out of the bottle partying with everybody and cannot wait until it has a firm hold on reality. It needs to get its tongue pierced, drink a lot of upside down margaritas, and wake up next to someone whose name it cannot recall while gathering massive debt on college loans but never actually graduating. I was in no mood for partying at 8:00 AM.
The wine that stays in the bottle is more responsible. It waits around for the party. Responsible wine has a steady job of giving me a headache and making me fall asleep while everyone else is still awake and they think about what to draw on my face.
I had received the explosive wine as a gift so I wasn't upset about it. Plus it was WHITE wine which is only for girls and the kids that hang out at the Neverland Ranch. I had to mop the floor 3 times before the sticky started to go away. The 3 bottles of red wine I currently have were chortling at me during my cleaning task.
Screw you, wine. I'm sticking to beer.
posted by Ghengis @ 9:09 PM,
