Please Read - No Root Canal Required
Monday, August 27, 2007
The summer has been good to me. Even though in the working man's world there is not a lot of time to write about irrelevant things on the internet because at the real work place they don't give me 3 to 4 months of vacation time to find a summer job to use for drinking money; the summer is still warmer than the winter and it is easier to be outside without a lot of clothes on.The hummingbirds are enjoying the weather too because I put some red juice inside of a fake plastic flower and hung it on my window for a nice place to eat. I have never fed a hummingbird before but apparently, in nature, they are used to having their red juice boiled by the flowers. Since I am a working man I do not have time to boil my own food and the red juice so I bought the special kind of feed that subverts mother nature's flower boiling techniques.
Today I had to refill the feed since the hungry birds ate it all. I went to the special hummingbird store and told them that I wanted some more of the special no boiling red juice for the birds. They laughed at me. Apparently there is nothing special about not having to boil your bird food.
I drove home feeling like a fool. I saw birds flitting past, mocking me in my drive of shame. One of them pooped on my window. It was a bird's way of laughing I am sure.
I wonder how many other products use this technique to trick you into buying their product. I went to Meijer because I need a new garden hose. Each hose guaranteed to bring water from one place to another. One of those hoses made all of the claims that the others did but it also said, "NO ANIMAL SACRIFICES NEEDED". I assumed that since none of the other hoses made that claim that I would have to sacrifice an animal to use those so I bought the sacrifice free hose and have never been happier.
Have a good rest of your summer for the next 20-some days.
posted by Ghengis @ 10:57 PM,
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Indiana
Saturday, August 04, 2007
I don't git itI don't go to the BMV often enough. It is one of the few chances the government has to bring people of all shapes and flavors together in a utopia of lines and waiting. The only other place you can this special mix of people is at the Halloween store and state fairs.
Like at Burger King, you can have it your way at the BMV if you yell loud enough, say the same thing over and over without going back home to get the correct documents, and convince the people on the other side of the desk that you are the only person in the world.
Some of the things I got to hear:
"Well the computer doesn't show that your license is suspended... If you want you can voluntarily suspend your driving privileges."
"Sir a copy of your birth certificate is not valid."
"But you took it! They have it here! She took it!"
"Sir we don't keep birth certificates here."
"That's what I'm saying! They have it here! She took it last time!"
"You don't have ANY insurance what-so-ever, you didn't pay taxes last year, you do not have a job, you are pregnant, you do not have any form of identification, and we are supposed to give you the privilege to drive?"
"Ain't my problem. My husband does all that. Here is my gas bill."
"You can try the written test again tomorrow."
It was a good feeling to remove my eye restriction from my license. This is not so apparent in the subsequent mug shot they took.
posted by Ghengis @ 11:58 AM,
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