Is it something I did?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Windshield washer fluid always gets stuck under the wiper blades when you use the fluid to squirt your window. I think my car is crying when some of the fluid gets whipped up onto windshield after the cleaning. It's nice to be there for the car when it's crying and be able to manually wipe away those tears with the wiper blades.
Tonight the car was crying at a pretty good clip. Something must have been hurting it pretty bad. I hope nobody called her names when I was in the movie theatre. I pushing the mist lever down to get the water off of the window saying, "Oh it'll be ok."
After awhile it get annoying. Where was all of this trapped fluid coming from? We were almost home and she was still crying. I got a little impatient with the car. "Ok that's about enough." I said, slighty aggitated.
Then I made the mistake of turning the windshield spray on again because it was raining a little and I still needed to freakin' see. Then the water works really started going. "Ok we're almost home! What did I do?! If you'd just say what I did and get this over with instead of crying in my face we can figure this out!"
There was still no answer or feasible reason for the fluid show after I pulled into the driveway. I got out of the car and pointed my finger, "If you don't want to talk you can just sleep in the garage tonight!" Then I slammed the door.
She'll come back.
posted by Ghengis @ 12:45 AM,
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Your Opinion is Stupid
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Sitting around the television watching the news in a group of people, it is inevitable that some kind of update about the war is going to pop up. Like clockwork, someone has to make a comment that ends up being particularly annoying to another person. It is a comment that sends shockwaves throughout the very nerves of the opposing party. It's the same type of comment that's been echoed from that particular "side" since before the war even started. It takes all of your strength to just bite your tongue and let them think what they think.
But they're wrong! Our opinion was right from the start! Tossing and turning in bed at night... why didn't you tell the other person that they were wrong?! Do you really think that your own comment, which is similarly echoed from a source on your "side", is going to change that person's view on the spot? If only I had a little military experience then I could destroy their opinion! Oh I could cite experiences from a video game war simulation... but sadly I don't think we had the technology to pull off a successful protoss reaver drop on Baghdad.
The war is a weird thing where no one wants to ever be proved wrong and rational thought falls by the wayside in defending your original opinion. I think the media has taught us that there are only two schools of thought and every single person fits into one of these categories. There are conservatives who give complete confidence to the president and believe that he has never lied or made a mistake and that the war is going wonderfully. And there are the liberals who think that the war was a complete mistake from the start and think that the president intentionally lied and that's reason enough to pull out the troops.
For nearly 3 years we have had the same thing pounded into our heads over and over again from either side.
The Iraq war according to a kookoo bananas conservative:
Late one night, early in the year 2003 a light shone upon the president. The voice of God boomed down and the president heard the plan of the Lord. He was to invade Iraq, liberate it's people from an oppressive government, seize the chemical and biological weapons, and set up a democratic state in the Middle East.
This was a brilliant plan. As the soldiers marched towards Baghdad they left hospitals, schools, and 500-megawatt generating stations in their footprints. The people came out of their homes to kiss the feet of the soldiers and thank them for the safe feeling they get from having tanks drive down their streets.
It turns out that France and Russia were in Saddam's back pocket and every single person in those countries were on Saddam's payroll in the oil-for-food scandal. Saddam wasn't harboring al-Qaeda like you are led to believe, however, terrorists were given free passage through the country under Saddam's rule. To have your head petted by Saddam was considered the highest honor. In fact they Saddam gave them all Ninja motor bikes to go raise hell with in the suburbs of Baghdad. Oh those kooky terrorists.
Oh and the torture. Oh the torture! Don't you sometimes just want to go over to your neighbor's house and tie them up with duct tape and hold hot coals to their feet until they tell you who's dog has been crapping in your yard? This is the only language that terrorists understand and it has to be done to get information. We don't even know the countless number of attacks that have been thwarted because of torture. Torture is great. Everyone should probably use it on their kids.
Ok so we haven't found weapons of mass destruction yet, but we know they are out there for sure. After all, those reports that say otherwise were written by dirty liberals that read the LA Times and they can't be trusted. And the president said so and we know he is a man of integrity. Word has it OJ is out there looking for the real weapons of mass destruction.
Plus the president also listed about 50 bazillion reasons other than illegal weapons for engaging in the war. It is foolish and wrong to only focus on one thing.
The president's plan is clear. "Stay the course." Three small words. How can you go wrong with that?
The Iraq war according to a dirty flaming liberal:
Late one night, early in the year 2003 a light shone upon Mr Bush. It was Karl Rove shining a flashlight in Mr Bush's eyes as he slept. Using a megaphone, President Cheney told Hitler Bush his plan for Iraq and taking out the oil to give to Halliburton.
Bush said 16 words in the State of the Union address that were a completely made up lie. He told us there were weapons hidden but now we know that he was lying because he obviously knew that there weren't. He also said that Saddam was directly responsible for the towers going down and that obviously is wrong.
Now Halliburton has all of Iraq's oil and we are losing more and more soldiers every day. It is getting far worse too. The people of Iraq don't have any power, the children are growing up in fear and hate, and there is no place safe in the entire country because it has become a haven for terrorists. Everyone was better off with Saddam as the president. OH OH and I almost forgot DID YOU SEE the picture of Rumsfeld shaking Saddam's hand? We are so evil.
The only recourse is to pull all of our troops out of the country. The most important thing we need to do is to mindlessly focus on the original lies made by the president. The entire war was based on a lie that Hitler Bush told us and now we should leave. The people of Iraq can take care of themselves. After that we need to pull down all of our pants and spank each other on the bottom for being so evil. And while we are doing that, all of the people with elite intelligence will move to France where people aren't so narrow-minded.
And I can't believe we used torture. We are no better than the terrorists for all of the torture we do. Can you believe our soldiers have actually forced other HUMAN BEINGS to stand for 4 hours in a row without a bottled water break? I mean come on. Just ask yourself. Would you like to be tortured? I don't think so. Obviously Hitler Bush is evil because of his torture policies and secret prisons in Europe. We have never ever gotten any evidence of bad guy plans from torture so we need to stop it.
People are dying. If we leave the war now all of the insurgent attack will stop immediately because they are only targeting our troops who are using civilians as body shields. Plus if we pull out now the entire world will respect us and give us gifts like wine and ice cream. That is the ultimate goal.
If we don't act now, Bush will never stop this war. He won't stop until he has taken over the world and has all of the oil. He is inherently evil and we need to stop his empirical policies before we all die from corporate greed.
It's amazing that neighbors, friends, and co-workers can take the same list of facts and come up with completely differing viewpoints. I just hope everything turns out well and I will continue to bite my tongue and roll my eyes whenever I hear anything like either of the above.
posted by Ghengis @ 12:23 AM,
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Welcome to the 21st Century
Sunday, November 06, 2005
If you've been following the national news lately you probably know all about the fact that this Midwestern state has chosen to join the rest of the nation in the utilization of Daylight Saving Time. That's right. Come spring many of the residents of our state will be changing their clocks for the first time in their life. The expected result is Chaos.
The new governor is a Republican. This is the first Republican governor in at least 16 years or so and he's not doing too bad. Since Republicans support state rights, internally they must also support individual county rights too. To facilitate this, every county was given the opportunity to vote whether they wanted to be on Eastern or Central time.
This resulted in the sporadic placement of some counties wanting to stay with Eastern time, while others wished to have Central time. If everyone's wish is granted, you could literally drive across the state and have to change your car's clock 4 or 5 times! You'll have to get the manual out of the glove box each time because no matter how many times you program your car's clock, you won't remember how the next time. A lot of old people will have to pull over to change the clock because they can't read the manual or touch small buttons while in transit. They'll have to stop at rest areas to do this since old people love rest stops. The counties at these transition points will have an unusually high volume of rest stop visitors which means more rest stops will be built and more perverts will have a place to hang out. The need for more police will be paid for by increased vending sales and brochure distribution.
I think that if we are to support the rights of individuals, we might as well let each and every person choose what time they want to be on. I applied this idea to the state citing the fact that it would be possible to cram an entire 8 hours of work into 2 hours by changing time zones half way through the day. We would then reclaim our status as the Party State since no one would have to wake up before "noon". The governor chose not to return my calls.
Rebel without a reason.
No one here really wanted to join the DST program. We were doing just fine without it while all of the other states played this mindless biannual game. We always knew that in October Pimp My Ride and CSI would come on an hour later and everything was earlier in the Spring. The only complaint was from school children who had to go to bed in the winter without being able to stay up for their favorite TV show. Television. We were holding our own.
The real problem was that no one from another state could keep up with what time we were on. It takes quite a bit of selflessness to realize the benefit, but just being on a different time from all of the other states 50% of the time has a profound effect on the economy and quality of life.
A business would call the State Chamber of Commerce at 4:30 in the evening asking if they could place a new multimillion dollar facility in our state to find out that the office had closed for the day. They'd hang up the phone confused and angry wondering what the hell time it was in our state because they just called earlier in October at the same time and someone answered. They vow never to deal with us again. As a result we do not get the multimillion dollar facility. Our high tech jobs go to Ohio or Illinois and so do all of the college graduates, leaving us with a disproportionate amount of people who spend their free time hunting squirrels around the rivers or teaching their babies how to smoke.
So for the sake of conformity we chose to follow your crazy clock changing game. Most people aren't going to have a problem clicking the hour button a couple times a year. There could be a few snags at the beginning but it will work out ok. Some people will most likely hole themselves up in their suburban fortress with a shotgun and a case of Jack Daniels, boldly refusing to follow this dictator nazi devil worshiping hitlership government conspiracy. Janet Reno was hired locally to deal with these chronographic rebels.
I'm taking bets on how long it is before the rest of the country drops DST and we are the only state following it for the next 50 years.
posted by Ghengis @ 11:48 PM,
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Happy Halloween
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
You've lost that lovin' feelin'.
The fatigues were given to me by someone who knows a guy who knows a guy. There were a lot of other good halloween costumes at the party and I wish I would post them of my friends but they didn't say anything about that being ok... so here are less interesting pictures of people that I don't know at Steak 'n' Shake after the party.
Always tip your waitress or she may end up having to eat her hand.
Was it Halloween or was it just another night?
You have worked here for nearly 3 years. That is a Steak 'n' Shake employee record.
Steak 'n' Shake rookies looking at the menu.
Eh. These are pretty boring. I'll probaby post the rest of the party pictures elsewhere so everyone who was there can see. Send me a message if you want to see them when I get around to it... right after I send the postcards...
posted by Ghengis @ 12:53 AM,
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