Shaking my Fist at the Bus
Monday, February 28, 2005
Sorry I have not been active on here. Last week I was away on a business trip. I told my parent's dog to update my weblog as necessary but she wanted to update every time she did a different trick for a treat. I failed to explain that we don't update every 10 minutes when a new thought comes into our heads. I think my dog must be in high school.
So coincidently the conference was at my old college. It was nice to get back and hang around with some people I know. You really don't get the college feeling being there only on the weekends. You really have to get drunk during the week to really remember what it's like.
The people at the conference were everywhere from 20 to 80 years old. When we had a break some of the guys would go out and smoke wearing lecherous grins when young coeds walk by. They would also stand around talking about work and things they learned at their respective classes during the day. I didn't get away from work to talk about it so I spent a lot of time walking around campus, hitting the old stomping grounds, whatever that means.
This is when I got to reminisce about all of the things that I hated about college. I think I could make quiet a bit of money spending all day hanging out by the handicapped automatic door openers. It's not Star Trek people! You look at your feet and if they are moving and not immobilized in a metal wheel contraption, then you push on the door instead of the blue handicap button.
If it's going to be such a hassle.
I'd spend all of my time hanging out in different buildings, you know, in a leather jacket, leaning up against the wall, looking all cool, saying sup to all the people that use the door the right way. When someone would push the button who was not in a wheelchair I would slam it back into their face and scream, "Try again!" If they got defiant about it I would tell them it makes their ass a little bit fatter each time they push it. I don't know who would not immediately whip out $10 for this life-altering advice.
Actually, they should wire them up to shock anyone who touches it that isn't in a wheelchair. Someone in a wheelchair should have insulated wheels that wouldn't ground out a circuit. Someone with thin soled shoes on might get a nasty sting. Of course I wouldn't be surprised to see people wearing heavy rubber dielectric boots... or just hit the button with their books. Having a puddle of water around the buttons will help a little.
The upside to this is I get to be at college all of the time and use my money to get drunk every night and sleep in a parking garage. The downside is that I'd probably have to quit my job. If I ever wanted to get back into the working world I might have a little trouble convincing an interviewer that I was making a difference and have not lost my mind.
So, I see that you quit a really nice engineering job to, heh, I'm sorry. Am I reading this right? To become a vigilante?
Yes. That is correct. It saved the University pennies every day on operating costs, increased job satisfaction, and additional generic interview keyword too.
You are hired!
Does vigilante look good on a resume?
posted by Ghengis @ 10:29 PM,
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Mr. Jekyll
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
I've realized that I'm two different people between work and home/school. At work I'm an insane work machine that chugs away at projects, finishing everything efficiently and quickly but I leave a huge mess in my wake. When I get home I put off any important tasks. I usually keep a modest stack of bills and papers to be done on my desk. When I was in school I did all homework the night before. However, I keep everything pretty clean around here. I'm not insane about being clean, but seriously: ROOMMATES - DO THE DISHES THEY'VE BEEN IN THE SINK FOR 5 DAYS!.
Procrastination
I bought hooks to hang my bike up about 6 months ago. I've been saying that I was going to buy a shelf for the garage for 6 months. I did not do either of these things until last week! The hooks have been hanging on my bike handles the whole time but I had to buy a stud finder to find the joists. I bought the stud finder two weeks ago. Beating on the ceiling with a hammer didn't work to find the joists.
The fact that I have done my taxes already is astonishing.
Doesn't it look wonderful? I still have a huge pile of papers to file somewhere around here. At work I file everything immediately. This trait will not follow me home no matter how many dog treats I try to use on it.
Messy
An Amish girl sold me the 32 oz Styrofoam cup. Who let her use the electronic cash register?
So clean you can eat off of it.
In my work truck, the passenger's side floor doubles as a trash can. In my car, if you drop a piece of trash on the floor I set a Mission Impossible alarm to go off that slams down the gas pedal and locks the steering wheel until they pick it up. No one leaves trash on my floor twice for fear of dying. It is a little bit dirty now because of snow dirt, but once I vacuum it, you will be able to eat off of it. But if I catch you eating off of it I'd have to kill you.
I don't know if this kind of duality exists for most people or not. Luckily I was hired entirely on my work ethic. I was rejected for every job that tried to select me on my school ethic. GPA is a bad measure of how I work because it is a reflection of my home self which was lazy in getting school work done. None of this matters for me anymore, but what about other people?
If I am ever in a position to hire someone I'm not going to look at their academics, clubs, GPA, or any special awards. The real go-getters are the ones with none of these ephemeral things. I want to know the average time between the start of their homework to the deadline. The lower the better. I want to know how big their stack of bills are. They'll probably want to lie and tell me what they think I want to hear. I'll be keen to that. I really don't like people who think they can talk their way out of everything.
posted by Ghengis @ 8:57 PM,
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Super Bowl
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Thank you New England Patriots. You needed only to be about 10 yards closer to kick a field goal at the end of the game. The Eagles still would have covered and we would have hit the over making that parlay turn from a disaster into a genius pick. Luckily the halftime over was 21.5 which lessened the sting a little. I know, I hate listening to other people's wagers too.
I hope whichever bleacher seat you chose to sleep underneath in Jacksonville was comfortable, Billy, you homeless looking bastard.
The 9 foot Subway sub helped smooth things over pretty well. At least the parts of it that I ate. Awesome weekend.
Driving home with a very drunk roommate, halfway across the state, on a 2 hour trip is as tedious as driving a truck of nitroglycerin half way across the state. Careful...
posted by Ghengis @ 1:20 AM,
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Nongolians
Thursday, February 03, 2005
I've been clicking through random blogs with the button on the upper right. Every time I run over the same template as mine I first think that someone stole my template! Then I calm down my rage, pick up the pieces of the mouse that shattered off of it from throwing it at the wall, and I realize that I made no effort on this template and it's free for anyone to use.
I've been sitting here in front of a blank new post page for about 10 minutes. I get a tickle in the back of my head when I haven't posted for awhile. It's probably kind of like the same feeling a serial killer gets when he hasn't worn someone different's skin for some time. The voices say, "Dan, you haven't posted in about a week and it's pretty likely that all of your internet friends have abandoned you..."
Everyone else has a pretty neat page design. I'm jealous because they aren't that complicated, but look a lot nicer than what I'm using. I wish I had the time to make it a little bit more elaborate. I probably could have used the 10 minutes of staring at the screen to tweak some of the HTML, but if I had used that time I probably wouldn't have written this off-the-top-of-my-head post. Plus, I don't want to re-learn HTML. Every time I post a clickable picture I have to re-lookup how to make anchors. It's not worth it.
Anyway, I've also been keeping track of how people get here like some of you. (At least I could figure that out.) I feel like the words I write are a trap set for search engine users. Someone clicks on the link to this site and accidentally finds themselves hanging upside down from a tree with their leg looped through a snare screaming, "This is not what I expected!" Sure, they can cut loose with the back button, but it's still a waste of time.
There are a lot of people that come here looking for 'mongolian pictures'. Some are trying to find the Ashlee Simpson video clip because they want to damage their hearing. My favorite search was a search for "Please". Apparently The Mongolians weblog is the height of politeness. Still, most people get here for a simple search for "Mongolians".
People, this is not a site about Mongolians. Where would you get an idea like this? I am not even a Mongolian. Once someone told me I looked like a Mongolian because I'm unusually strong, but I think he meant mongoloid because I was lifting something stupid. This isn't even a site about Genghis Khan or the conquest of most of Asia. I think this is pretty obvious. If you've come for Ghengis, the misspelled leader who commands nothing more than lights to turn on and off with the flick of a switch and minimal knowledge of HTML, then you have come to the right place.
But, here is your mongolian picture
Genghis Kahn, mongolia, mongolians, Chinggis, conquest, boobs, asia, Xixia, Yuan Dynasty, horse riding, people, empire, mongols, Justin Timberlake birthday party
posted by Ghengis @ 10:26 PM,
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