Your Animal
Friday, June 30, 2006
Osama bin Laden told the world that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was a lion or rather just, "lion", for short. I'm sure that means something very important in the Middle East. I didn't read the article.
I just want to know if bin Laden has plans on giving us all animal nicknames. I really want to be a bird or maybe a horse but I would settle for man's best friend. I'm sure he probably gets these animals from a quiz website.
You are the snake!
You hide in the tall grass and wait for your enemies to come walking past. You strike from afar with your venom spray and then run and hide deeper in the grass.
You are most compatible with the lizards and the fish.
You are not compatible with the mongoose.
Some famous snakes: Jack the Ripper, the snake that Lassie fought, Kevin Federline, and any politician.
Which Bin-Animal Are You?
posted by Ghengis @ 12:35 AM,
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Dogs and Cats... Living Together
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
The memory foam continues to make the gears turn in my head while I sleep and forms dreams that blur into reality. Last night I had a dream that there was a paper I had to sign. There was an X and line and a lot of garbled words above the line. I had to sign the paper. It was a very important paper that had to be to the appropriate person ASAP.
The problem was that the paper lived only in my mind so in the dream I woke up into another dream. In the new dream I walked up to a printer to print out the paper from my mind. I was at a loss as to how to make the paper appear on the printer. I had no internal blue tooth connection, no USB plug-ins under my fingernails, not even an old serial connection or a memory card to plug in. There was no way to get something from my brain directly to paper! In dream world this was terribly alarming.
When I finally woke up I was sad. I knew that I would never be able to get the important document out of my head and it was quickly melting away as the dream Langoliers were taking it to task.
Back to the Future II taught us that we would have flying cars by the year 2015. It would have to be sooner though because the flying car highways were already set up in suburban America, so to be sure, the first flying car should roll out around 2011.
Things do not seem to be on track. If I can't download information from my brain by now and we can not even decide what the next car fuel is going to be, the future that we were promised by Hollywood seems pretty far fetched.
I had all but given up hope for the future until I saw a commercial on CNN Headline News. Welcome to the 21st century.
Now that this is solved, we can move on to less pressing issues.
posted by Ghengis @ 11:24 AM,
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Idle Hands
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
For those of you who have been following your Gregorian calendars, today is 06/06/2006 or 06062006. Those numbers add up to an even round number of 20 (twenty). Coincidentally that is exactly the number of matches that come in a matchbox which is also the standard number of cigarettes in pack. If you smoke 20 cigarettes a day that is 365 packs a year. Cigarette has 9 letters in it so smoke for 9 years and multiply that by the number of leaves on a poison ivy plant, you will have 27 shots of Jagermeister to do before you go to bed. If you do that you will see the Devil.
Everyone in the entertainment and news world is trying as hard as they can to make you freaked out by the coincidence of a few numbers in today's date with a reference to one verse of the Bible. I wonder if they experienced the same microfrenzy on 06/06/1906. Or maybe when they did not have tv, internet, IMAX Theatres, Model T Horseless carriages, or half of a day of free time to do anything you wanted because they spent sun up to sun down farming, building houses, or managing finances just to make enough money to put bread and water on the table for the family. They probably did not have the time to spend three seconds on a stupid number game.
What a great country/world we have where we have built up everything so much that we can leave the world on autopilot while we take entire weeks of our lives to do things like: sit down in front of the court house where Michael Jackson was on trial; where you can go on myspace and post pictures of yourself flashing gang signs and lighting your neighbor's bushes on fire; where you can go on internet forums and argue about how Super Nintendo was better than Sega Genesis; or where you can go to Africa and adopt a baby where we will leave it to be guarded by lions.
Get a JOB.
Doing any of these things 100 years ago would have gotten you killed. So, the next time your internet goes down or your car won't start, just ask yourself, "Do I have the wherewithal to make my own spear to kill a squirrel for food or at least trick someone into doing it for me so I can take his food just to survive?"
posted by Ghengis @ 9:18 PM,
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Memory Foaming at the Mouth
Saturday, June 03, 2006
In an ongoing effort to improve my back, which was slightly rearranged about a year ago, I decided to buy a memory foam mattress topper. The picture on the box showed a woman who was obviously very pleased to be sleeping on her foam mattress. I do not think she was really sleeping though. When you're sleeping you lack the ability to intentionally display emotion. If the woman had really be sleeping we would have seen a picture more like this.
Get out of my head!
A more apt name for this material is nightmare foam. Through week's experience with this foam I have had deep REM dreams every night. None of them have been a nightmare, per se, but any dream like the ones I have had are on the cusp forcing me to wake in a cold sweat. I have battled an army of armor clad midgets, hid in a cave in Iraq where I shot missiles out of an ink pen, lost a game of ladder golf in my front yard, walked up a flight of stairs standing on a ladder like a pair of stilts where I saw Neil and said asked him how he was doing before waddling up the stairs, and held on to a long rope tethered to an unpiloted jet that thrashed me around in the sky until it crashed into my old high school. Nightmare foam definitely causes deep sleep but at what cost?
Actually, for the longest time I thought that the point of memory foam is that it would sink in and remember what was placed on it.
That didn't make a lot of sense to me but I never gave it very much thought. I did think that the only practical application would be if you ever come up missing they could pour plaster into your mattress and recreate a model of you that they will show to a team of bloodhounds who will be able to scour the city for you and drag you home. You could also pour plaster into your hand imprint and make a great keepsake ornament to give to dad for father's day.All of these fears and conjectures are wrong though. Memory foam is the miracle cure for back pain and has earned the top honor of 4 shrugs.
posted by Ghengis @ 11:13 AM,
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