Nerd Wars
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Nobody was even dressed up. I expected a much more nerdy turn out. I figured the nerd turnout would be pretty evenly distributed throughout the first 24 hours. There was one young statesman standing guard at the door to his theatre dressed as Vader. We had the 7:00PM theatre next to his. We were a half hour early. The marquee above his theatre said 8:00PM. That must have been the theatre to wear a costume to. Come early for the costume contest!
There were a lot of people in the news talking about how they think the Emperor's plot to take over the galaxy is similar to Bush's Iraq war. If only someone had released the movie of the last 3 episodes of Bush's term first, and then we would all have the pre-knowledge to know for sure. I can see the similarities and it's scary. I almost want to change my political stance on everything because of something I saw on a movie.
However, in the movie, the Emperor wants to save the life of Padme because (I'm not giving anything away) she might die in childbirth. He doesn't spell it out but he's obviously going to suggest she get an abortion. Bush would not condone an abortion - even if the woman may die - so obviously this Empire/Bush similarity view is completely skewed. Are Jedi trained in the art of abortion?
"Are there any helpless drunk girls here in need of a sober driver?"
When the movie was over everyone was glowing as if they had finally fucked their dream celebrity. But the glow was short-lived when movie-goers left the safety of the glowing cineplex lights. I saw one man crying on the ground next to his Boba Fett themed car. He was clawing at his head screaming out about how he did not know where his hair had gone. He was bald and it looked has if he had been that way for some time. He was jerking himself about on the asphalt. I think he caught a glimpse of himself in the side mirror. "My God! I'm Old! I must be 50! Where have the years gone?!"
As I'm sure it's been said by others, nerds everywhere now have nothing left to live for. Nothing to aspire to. No final episode to the Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, Terminator, or Con Air. Nerds everywhere are drinking from the Hale-Bopp punch bowl and passing on in their parents' basements under the glow of an unfinished game of Doom III (but only because they had the flashlight turned on). The entertainment has ended and all that is left is to call Scotty for that final beam up.
This is a backdoor-rapture that the fundamentalist Christians did not count on. No one with an 'In case of Rapture..." bumper sticker is going to be saved. Rather, God only smiles upon those with Boba Fett head antenna ornaments. It turns out that Jedi is the only true religion and any of us who laughed or mocked those who followed the Force will now be left behind.
The end is nigh.
posted by Ghengis @ 10:18 PM,
