Village Idiot
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Wandering solo around the country, I get to pick my lunch time. Lunch usually happens at 11:00. Sometimes it's 1:00 if I lose track of time with my thrilling work or if I find myself pinned down by a dog for hours after falling in a ditch and only having a cattail to fend it off. Dogs chase cattails so as long as there are some available for picking. I can throw them away from me and try to run.
Trying to eat at noon in the city is like trying to get this year's Tickle Me Elmo of presents on the day before Christmas. They drive like maniacs to find a place to eat. There are people crawling out of their burning car wrecks, bleeding and charred, but able enough to run to their McDonalds so they can stand inches behind whoever arrived before them in a line wrapped around the building. Some people bring in their shiny broadswords in an attempt to thin out the crowd with a single swing. I have heard that some women let their fingernails grow extra long so they can claw other people's eyes out so they can't see the picture menu and point at what they want. It's an ugly sight that is best avoided.
It's noon somewhere.
I'm responisble for about 3 places that could be described as cities and that's where a majority of my time is spent. The rest of my time is spent in the towns, villages, hamlets, and people crowded around campfires. I've noticed that the common lunchtime of the villagers is 11:00 AM, MY 11:00 AM!. The village and townie lunchtime rush is a lot like the city lunchtime except with a lot less shirts and more curse words.
How did this happen? Which village idiot had the idea to steal my idea for having lunch an hour early? I thought the town people were all backwards idiots... what with their lower taxes, larger but cheaper houses, less crime, cleaner air, and people who know how to use their turn signals. What a bunch of idiots.
Sure, you can argue that it probably has something to do with the type of work in different areas. The city people go to work at 8 or 9 AM so they can sit in their office and read the Internet. The village people get up at 4 or 5 AM to dress up like a police man, a construction worker or an indian.
I still think the villagers stole the idea from me. It's not coincidence that every Subway is packed at 11:00AM in the villages.
posted by Ghengis @ 10:36 PM,
