Fried Zonko
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I have lost around 15 pounds since the beginning of the year. Around 3 or 4 months ago I weighed a slobbery chunk of 210 lbs. Being smashed by a semi tends to put someone on a path of life where you sit at the computer all day long transferring handfuls of birthday cake to your mouth with one hand while a Dr. Pepper IV is injected in the other arm. The local grocers catch on pretty quick when you order your "great grandmother's" 5th birthday cake in two weeks. The semi excuse was getting old and it was time to get back into shape. Last week I was down to slobbery muscle of 195 and counting.
I have been on the No French Fry diet. At the beginning of the year I decided that I really didn't need to consume delicious golden brown crisps of potato (sometimes covered in bacon and cheese) with all of the meals where they were usually a standard.
This is a new diet sure to put Atkins and all other fad diets to shame. It even slams my Deep Woods Off diet. The 450 page book comes out in July detailing the No French Fry diet. When you buy the book do not forget to pick up the plush Anti-French Fry stuffed elephant named Zonko, your No French Fry calorie counter, and the laminated shower chart with upside-down dry erase pen.
Ruby Tuesday has also signed on to host the diet. They have come out with 6 special meals that will not be served with french fries to accommodate this new fad. Secret: (They are the same old meals they used to have but they jacked the price up by $3.) Be sure to look for their clever, easy to distinguish logo next to the fad diet menu item!
Lucky for all 'The Mongolians' readers, you do not have to buy to 450 page book or endure 3-day weekend intensive training seminar at the Super 8 motel. The secrets of the No French Fry diet are right here:
Step 1: Do not eat fries.
Step 2: Get laid.
The goal is to get back down to 180 lbs as long as I can do it without looking like one of those weird guys with the big head and a tiny body with big arms.
Losing 15 pounds feels great. I'm sure not eating fries for 3 months is a lot like what it feels like to give birth to twins. I now know the pain of a woman.
Disclaimer: Results found of No French Fry diet only with daily running, general healthy diet, and a decreased use of alcohol. All actors in the study are well paid and can suck their gut in on command when a hot chick walks by.
Is it just me or is drew starting to lose his mind?
posted by Ghengis @ 10:56 PM,
2 Conflict(s):
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At March 13, 2006 at 12:28 AM,
Ghengis has news of...
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Apparently Zonko is really some kind of French band.
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At March 14, 2006 at 5:13 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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Hah, I thought you'd know.
