EyeBrush
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
The eye salesman always wants me to try a new contact every time I go to his office. I am now trying the latest and greatest in FDA approved contact lens technology. They are supposed to stay in the eye for a whole month. That technology isn't anything new, but something about these contacts are supposed to make me happy. They cost a little more than my old contacts but as a guinea pig they are free for now. Most guinea pigs work for pellets anyway so I'm doing a little better than a majority of the guinea pig community.
I remember the last time I tried these 30-day constant wear lenses, it didn't work out because it felt like Satan was stabbing a pitch fork through my eye (even when I dipped my head in the fountain of holy water at church). Of course, the eye salesman still tried to sell me on using the new technology. Every time he does this his major selling point is that I will save oodles on contact lens solution. Only a Sith deals in absolutes, eye salesman.
Even if you have never worn contacts, you still probably know quite well that some contacts need to be soaked in saline solution. If you leave them in your eyes, you don't need solution. A bottle of solution costs around $5 or $6. I probably go through 3 bottles a year. Somehow in eye salesman math, 6x3=$50 to $100. That is pure, wild, in-your-pocket savings! Obviously if you're going to go to school to learn how to sell glasses to people, you probably failed out of math to start with.
The only place that I really trust new technology is in the dental care industry. Dentists are scholars at math and economics. Every time I go out to buy a new toothbrush, I zero in on the most expensive and obtuse teeth cleaner on the rack.
Oral-B could come out with the most ridiculous toothbrush design known to date and I would buy it. If I found a toothbrush that had Magic Crystal Bristles
, fold out razor blades, a 1.3 megapixel digital camera, an unlocked cellphone with pre-loaded eminem ringtones, an emergency button in case you fall down or accidentally cut yourself, a tongue stimulator, and an eyebrow curler for the retail price of $70 (on sale with your Kroger Plus card for $63.99) - I would be remiss to not purchase it.Well I might think twice before putting that in the shopping cart. I would, however, rather take a dentist's advice on medical things rather than the eye salesman. If the dentist said that brushing my eyes with a Magic Crystal Bristles
toothbrush, I'd go to bed with an eyeful of toothpaste every night.It's probably only a matter of time before it's common to go to the discount doctor-of-all-trades at the local Wal*Mart for all of your healthcare/child beating needs. (Did you know that the asterisk in Wal*Mart means there's a mystery variable hidden inside?)
posted by Ghengis @ 11:01 PM,
1 Conflict(s):
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At December 21, 2005 at 12:37 AM,
My Life In Indiana has news of...
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I had to go to a Wal-mart yesterday.
At the checkout in front of me were two young boys balling their eyes out in their mother's shopping cart.
One was yelling "My mommy beats me up!"
I thought of you.
