That's just Preachy
Sunday, October 02, 2005
I have a long post written and saved as draft right now. It would probably take up two Microsoft Word pages if copied into it. It was supposed to be funny but ended up sounding preachy so I decided not to post it. If something isn't at least mildly amusing it really isn't worth posting.
On the way back from a heartbreaking weekend, we stopped at a gas station. I wanted to drink something to rebuild the lining and soothe a stomach abused from a two day beer pong marathon. I grabbed a pre-made milkshake in hopes that the milk would fix everything.
You just aren't supposed to drink cookies.
14 ounces of milk goes pretty quick. When I was done, I dedicated the time where I had nothing left to drink to reading the bottle. During my perusal I was pleased to see that the milk had expired 2 months ago. The last 15 minutes of my life flashed before my eyes. Were those chunks really pieces of cookie or was that the beginnings of cottage cheese? The milk had not tasted sour. It was sealed the whole time right? The gas station kept it cold. It's fine. Right?
Since the stomach doesn't get very much thought thrown it's way, when you do start to focus on your stomach it twists and turns in every different way like you are taking glamour shots of it and it wants to make sure you can see its best side. All of that moving around makes for an artificially upset stomach. Now was it the milk causing the discomfort or was it just paranoia working at making things worse than they are?
No, it'll be ok. After all, how often do you hear stories on the news of people dying for drinking expired milk? No! You just never hear them because the government covers it up. If milk drinking caused deaths we would have a mad cow disease-esque crisis where no one would drink milk anymore. Government farm subsidies will have to increase milk production incentives. Taxes go up and the economy slows to a halt.
Meanwhile we become of society of brittle boned people. Osteoporosis strikes many at a young age. The manual labor industry screeches to a halt. The only sport (if it can be called that) left playable is NASCAR. At first everyone grudgingly hates the idea of having to pick a favorite race car driver and follow them for the season, but eventually without calcium everyone loses their teeth anyway and NASCAR is accepted as the nation's favorite pastime.
It's hours later and the milk still hasn't killed me. In fact my stomach doesn't really hurt. If I do die from it in my sleep know that you probably won't hear about it on the news. You have to carry on though and help make it known. It may mean watching and eventually liking NASCAR, but the truth has to be known or the terrorists win.
posted by Ghengis @ 10:32 PM,
4 Conflict(s):
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At October 3, 2005 at 12:47 AM,
Louise Allana has news of...
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"If I do die from it in my sleep know that you probably won't hear about it on the news. You have to carry on though and help make it known. It may mean watching and eventually liking NASCAR, but the truth has to be known or the terrorists win."
Can't stop the signal!
*hides* -
At October 3, 2005 at 6:06 AM,
My Life In Indiana has news of...
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ha i bet that had about as much *actual* dairy in it as store-brand american cheese.
but if you DO die, please send me that postcard first (so i know you really existed in the first place) :)
have a good monday!! -
At October 3, 2005 at 7:23 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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Ok so it didn't kill me. It did keep me awake a few extra hours though and the lack of sleep and tiredness made me want someone at work to kill me. I promise to write the postcards this week or at least this month. It's hard for a fake computer personality to manifest pen and paper in such a short amount of time.
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At October 9, 2005 at 2:22 AM,
revidescent has news of...
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preach to me.
