The Coneheads Would be a Welcome Change
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
There is a girl living in my house for the week.
Posted with permission.
We went on a walk looking for young professional single women in the neighborhood. Sadly they are all hiding behind the walls of their wooden castles at 4:30 in the afternoon when I usually get home. Instead it was a chance to meet neighbors with man's best icebreaker.
First to approach us was a little neighborhood girl.
"Hey what kind of dog is that?"
I went through the dog's torrid ancestral mutt history. This fell on dead ears.
"Know what? I have two mommies."
"Ok... Do you have a daddy?"
"God."
"God is your daddy?" I have just now realized that this is actually a boy and not a girl. He really looked like a little girl.
"Yep!"
"So you never get to see your dad?"
"Oh I see him bunches when mommy lets me hold the rattlesnakes in the basement. Hey! What is your dog's name?"
Moving on I finally found a woman to talk to. A 60-something grey-haired woman was meticulously setting up her flat soaker hose in the front yard.
"Oh goodness what a cute puppy!"
"Thanks."
"Oh I'm not talking to you sonny but the comment isn't too far off! Ha ha!"
"Thanks?"
"What kind of puppy is it?"
Here we go again.
"Oh that's the best kind!"
"I guess it's your lucky day to have your favorite uncommon mix of dog brought right in front of your house."
"Now why don't you and puppy come in and have some lemonade."
"No thanks. We have a lot more walking to do."
"But I insist! Get in my house!"
"Muffin! Run!"
Aren't there any chicks in this neighborhood in the afternoon? The jog worked something loose and my dog randomly picked a spot in someone's front yard to squat. Lucky for me she picked the house where someone was pulling in to the driveway. A gruff man rolled down the window of his truck.
"You're going to clean that up, right?"
"Clean what up?"
He pointed to the dog.
I hid the leash behind my back. "What? That's not mine."
"Don't play games."
"Looks like it's her territory now."
"I don't think so son." He said, getting out of the truck and bearing down on my position brandishing his fists.
I then quickly explained that it was the hidden camera show, Boiling Points, and the camera crews would be out to fill out forms and give him a prize for not kicking my ass.
He glanced in either direction and hastily smoothed out the little hair left under his John Deere hat. "Where them cameras at now?"
"Muffin! Run!"
We aren't going on a walk again.
posted by Ghengis @ 10:35 PM,
