Political Idol
Monday, July 18, 2005
Well the news has found a new topic to use to annoy rational thinking people. At all of the 24-hour news stations, all personnel are allotted a special half-hour to run around in circles and to brainstorm new speculations about what Karl Rove did or didn't do. This half-hour time block is temporarily replacing what is normally reserved for newsroom rooftop recess. Can the journalists people make a competent story without a two or three games of tetherball?
You have the worst show on television.
For those of you who are lucky enough to live far away from this nonsense to know what this is about, Karl Rove is the evil fat-man mastermind that made the president the president by way of arcane magics and with help from the current and former Grand Dragons of the KKK. It was just recently found out that he may or may not have intentionally told a reporter the name of an undercover CIA agent.
Upon hearing this news, liberals ran out into the streets with protestor signs calling for a tastefully done lynching at high noon... until their free bottled water supply ran out. Conservatives, on the other hand, defended Rove on the ground that there is no way he could have said these things because he was busy handing out puppies to poor children in the hospital on that day after staying up all night working on a spell to make the stock market boom. Big surprise.
Meanwhile all rational thinking people were sitting at home pounding on their TV's and cleaning their guns while screaming, "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" If he truly did something illegal or unethical, get rid of him; if he didn't then move on(.org) with your sad, politically driven life. The mindless speculations are endless from either side and it is impossible to get the truth out of anyone. Plus, the frenzy wouldn't be at this scale if the leak was the nerdy technician who makes weapons for Bush's utility belt in the basement of the White House.
Personally, I think the president should fire his chief political advisor and friend. Do I have any inside knowledge that the press and Grand Jury don't have? No! I think it's safe to say that no one with an online diary has that knowledge. My interest comes mainly from the desire to see the resulting media frenzy when it comes to picking the next Political Advisor.
But why leave it to the news to cover something they have already screwed up. Let capitalism take it's course and give exclusive coverage rights to the highest bidder. I'm fairly sure that this could be Fox's best reality series yet. Bush, Cheney, and Rice will interview thousands of Americans to be the next Political Advisor. Contestants may sing, dance, prevent gay marriage, and make up lies and half-truths in order to woo the judges. In the later rounds you will have to opportunity to call in with your touch tone phone or send a text message to vote for your favorite.
Look here dawg. Twenty years of snake handling religion.
I am gunning for Tom Cruise's sister to land the position. She has done wonderful things for Tom's career and I think it could be the spice that the current administration needs. After all, the last few speeches the president has given, he has said absolutely nothing - most likely a product of Rove's cold, calculated speech writing.
With Cruise's sister at the helm, the president will find himself running the talk show circuit whenever he needs to promote his latest war. You will come to expect a more animated and candid president that everyone will learn to love. However, don't be surprised to see him avoiding questions about war when he is jumping on the couch, screaming about how in love he is with his wife, Laura. That's our kooky president.
We are finally moving in the right direction.
posted by Ghengis @ 10:14 PM,
2 Conflict(s):
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At July 19, 2005 at 11:31 AM,
My Life In Indiana has news of...
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Ha.
You rock, Dan.
Have a good day. -
At July 26, 2005 at 7:40 AM,
Lisa has news of...
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heh... I actually had to click on Lisa's name to make sure that wasn't a comment I left....
Thanks for contributing to my shameless comment whoring...
=)
you DO rock Dan.
