Dear Capital One, NO!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
No no, none of these analogies add up at all.
Anyway, after reading this I am glad that I have been shredding all 3 of the daily Capital One mailings that appear in my mailbox. Apparently even if you tear up the credit card applications into tiny bits, tape the pieces back together, write an address on it other than your own, and list a phone number other than your home phone, and mail it in, the credit card companies will be more than happy to oblige a credit card to any address you like.
This is why paper shredders need to be rated, not by the number of sheets they can take at once; rather as to if they are able to shred a Capital One or Citibank application in one pass. If I try to feed the shredder an intact, sealed Capital One envelope, the machine stops working and flashes a red error light in a fit of anger. The card company forces me to open the mail before shredding it the off chance that I accidentally fill out the application inside and send it to them. I have to tear the application in half, take the sheets out and unfold them before feeding the mouth of the toothy beast. This makes the shredder very happy!
I love it when you thwart identity theft like that.
Of course if they begin making shredders that tout the ability to easily sift through junk mail, the credit card companies will have to redouble their efforts and send mail can't be diced up without opening. Pretty soon we'd all start receiving hardbound novellas or a some sort of puzzle boxes in the mail. Maybe they will steal an idea from the thriving company, AOL, and start sending their applications in a metal tin. If this happened, the shredder companies will have to begin designing with new metal shredding home shredders. The cycle looks to never end.
What the credit card companies need to do is send you something that you will not throw away. Something useful and fun. Something that makes you excited about getting mail again. Something you'd be happy to get 4 or 5 of every day.
An offer you can't refuse.
posted by Ghengis @ 11:55 PM,
5 Conflict(s):
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At March 15, 2006 at 9:29 PM,
has news of...
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I gots a pod. How about a cabana boy?
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At March 17, 2006 at 1:05 AM,
My Life In Indiana has news of...
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did you draw those hearts yourself? cute.
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At March 22, 2006 at 11:15 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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A cabana boy probably costs a lot to send it the mail and is difficult to make cooperative. They have to draw the line somewhere.
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At March 22, 2006 at 11:16 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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I did draw the hearts but when I had trouble I called a girl up to talk me through it.
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At March 23, 2006 at 12:27 AM,
Ghengis has news of...
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Can you shread a cabana boy?
