Something's Rotten in the State Funded College
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
This weekend I went back to college. I guess I'm practicing become one of those creepy old guys who gets drunk at college bars, going from table to table breathing heavy and throwing up on the floor while pretending to be each student's best friend by way of hugs and unwanted touching. So far, I've only worked up the courage to go back into the bars.
After consuming the appropriate amount of liquor and cramming into and standing shoulder to shoulder with people on the "dance" floor, some of my party decided to go finish our night at a late night burrito restaurant. My brain abandoned control over my motor skills and thankfully performed the thinking for my stomach, telling me to get a sub instead. I bought one at another store and met the group where I was forced to pull up a chair to the overcrowded booth.
One friend had just had a birthday so naturally some of his alcohol was free and free means more. This resulted in some of the ice from his cup flying into other members of the table. Some of the ice ended up missing our friends and ended up on the plate of a triple-chinned Mexican sloth monster. He and his white-trash compatriot bolted to their feet cursing and waving their arms.
"Man, me and my bud are just here trying to get some food, mother fucker!" He opened. "We just trying to eat here and you throwin shit at us!"
He continued to spout the same words over and over amidst our apologies. He immediately let us know that they liked 2 against 7 odds as if this was a nightly occurrence where they wait for someone to offend them so they can instigate violence. The situation was under control and cooler heads were prevailing until birthday-friend told the Mexican that they probably couldn't make a burrito as big as his head because it was so big. He also made the implication that he was a worker there. Diplomacy broke down and Gigantor continued to repeat filthy words from his mouth over and over.
Eventually, the white-trash guy decided to stand away nearer to where I was sitting. I quelled the joint rage he shared with his friend by letting him know that it was my friend's birthday and he was a little trashed. He started laughing. I think the word birthday cued some deep memories of cake and caused him to step aside from the commotion.
Finally birthday friend agreed to replace their food with something new. White-trash guy jumped on the idea of free food and followed birthday-friend to the counter while his friend continued the broken record act with his mouth. We just trying to get some food here, mother fucker! When birthday-friend had stood up to order the new food, everyone else had to stand up too. Somehow we had formed a half-ring around the Mexican who was moronically still bent on using his fists that night.
I had stayed out of it until then. I was pretty sure the human chin's brain had left his body, leaving an empty human shell with a speaker box shoved in his mouth. Hoping to end it, I stood and declared, "IT'S OVER!" with a commanding presence and loud enough for the restaurant to hear. Being the strongest and scariest looking one there, this was my attempt at ending the stand-off.
His well thought out response to me was, "It ain't over til I say it's over." At this point he had looked out the window and saw a mob of spectators, clutching the money they had gambled on their favorite to win in the event that fists fly. This is when he picked up a table edge and threw it at another friend.
I've never been in a fight before... and I still haven't. But, I was ready to use any means necessary to subdue this giant if things had got out of hand. I knew our side instigated things but someone who can't let something go at the offering of free food, should not be allowed to win an argument. They were waiting for a fight.
Birthday friend canceled the order when the manager came over. I went outside to let the onlookers and gamblers know that there would be no fight. Everyone not involved was pretty disappointed - including everyone who read this hoping to see the word blood.
posted by Ghengis @ 9:40 PM,
4 Conflict(s):
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At September 8, 2004 at 8:51 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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I've been trying to post that for 2 days now.
Here is an artist's representation of the events of the night - http://veepers.budweiser.com/service/RetrieveCard?id=RQDyLeab2rga.8slMrMkvG -
At September 9, 2004 at 12:18 AM,
Louise Allana has news of...
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We've had that posting problem too.
Sounds like a fun night out for all concerned. -
At September 9, 2004 at 12:22 AM,
Louise Allana has news of...
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I just noticed that you changed (or added) a blog description... 'modding' for blogs. Everyone's doing it! (I award not-mAtt the prize for most comprehensive and impressive 'mod' - am I allowed to do that while posting in your blog?)
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At September 13, 2004 at 10:46 PM,
has news of...
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Heya Dan!
Wow, long time no see. I really missed reading your entries, it's good to see you're still out there writing. Hope things are going good! Catch you later -The Ankou
