Left Foot. Right Foot.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
I've noticed that most of my problems stem from one thing - I don't follow procedures. I listen to CDs on random. I take wrong turns on purpose to mix up my drive home. I do not have a schedule of TV shows that I have to see. The dish washer can be started empty. Sometimes the vital soap is forgotten in the washing machine. It is not uncommon for milk to be added to the instant mashed potatoes way before it's supposed to be.
When I moved in I bought a new desk. While putting it together I decided that I was above the directions and summarily cast them aside. When I got to something around step 15 of 20, I realized that on step 2 I was supposed to have inserted screws into a now unreachable place. It took a lot of gerrymandering to get them home again.
I don't shop for groceries by a list. I keep a list in my head and each item is somehow strung together in a way that I won't remember to get item F until I have found item E which was sparked to memory by item D and so on. Sometimes this leads to making 3 or 4 laps around the store, but it beats writing things down.
I ran out of checks last week. Curiously I looked at the last time I had written anything down in the book. The date was 1999. I was pretty sure I had written a check since then so it didn't seem right. I turned the book upside down and it said 1666. I shuffled through my disorganized file box to find my birth certificate. It was then that I knew I was not alive in that year unless it was in another life but if I were a cow or a weasel in another life I probably did not have a checking account.
When I'm at the gym I walk around like a chicken with it's head cut off (except with a lot less blood). My mind races as to which exercise I should do next. Oh that looks good and I haven't worked that muscle yet! Oh but I've never tried this machine. But people can see me there and I might do it wrong. Maybe free weights! Oh, that guy with one arms is in there and that might make me uncomfortable. There's a hot girl on that machine. Maybe if I go to the one near it, she might like to watch me exercise.
By the time I've decided on what to do, it would have been better to just jump on the track or running machines and go jog with all of the leg movement I have done. When I get on that machine I realized that it was not a good idea since the sugar from the very half-a-bag of gummy worms that sparked the idea to go running are beginning to well up in the form of a ball of sugar in my mouth. Had I followed the correct procedure, I would have been able to breathe through my mouth and nose instead of just one of the above. It's too bad that this is the only way to have gummy worms before and after working out. They weren't even my worms anyway.
I was working on a 6-pack but I've decided to forgo that and go for the more economical 24-pack where I can be a hit at all the post-college parties that don't exist. I don't know how to make a 24-pack though so that means I'll probably have to follow a stricter procedure and I don't know how I feel about that. I have to fill out those stupid clipboard sheets if I want to make my company pay for a quarter of my membership. If the company knows the secret of making your belly into a case of beer, then why would their first gift to me be a 'drug and alcohol abuse prevention' book?
I guess the not following procedure thing doesn't really cause me very many problems, per se. I like the chaos. It really only causes distress in other people who think they know what's best for me and it's fun to watch them pull out their hair.
posted by Ghengis @ 6:07 PM,
6 Conflict(s):
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At August 29, 2004 at 7:32 PM,
Louise Allana has news of...
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*giggle*
thankyou. that was perfect for monday morning. i guess my question about the gym is answered! -
At August 30, 2004 at 6:32 PM,
My Life In Indiana has news of...
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"Beer: The Movie" CD
Song #7
I like this song. A lot.
Also, I can't remember if I told you or not. My roomate and her boyfriend say Northstar is an awesome band. They probably are. They just burned me the CD.
Oh, and have a good Tuesday, too. -
At August 30, 2004 at 11:50 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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Upon realizing that I had erraneously checked the past for evidence of check writing, rather than the future; I made sure to cover my bases in an attempt to be a more organized person.
I used parts that they had given me for work and built a time machine. I used the digital display and set the numbers to 6661. Instantly, a man sprang forth from an electrical porthole. He said he was from the future! He handed me some pills to take. He told me to take the pills if I wanted to know the truth. I know from reading books that if someone from the future offers you pills, you eat them! The label on the plastic package said *(#@$&^^@#(&. I didn't know what that meant off-hand, but after I took the pills I realized that it was a cure for having 'writing-off-the-top-of-your-head-upside-down-number-dyslexia'. Then I was taken advantage of.
Never take pills from an alien. -
At August 31, 2004 at 1:14 AM,
Louise Allana has news of...
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erroneously
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At August 31, 2004 at 9:42 PM,
Louise Allana has news of...
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wow. twently people have clicked on jennifer's link on your page in the last 24 hrs. dan, you must get a lot of traffic. or else you have a lot of typing monkeys at your disposal.
(let me know how the ad thingy goes) -
At August 31, 2004 at 10:24 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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I guess a lot of people are doing searches for misspelled words and conversations on dyslexia. This is the place!
