Citizens of Two Apartments
Monday, August 09, 2004
Since I work all day and my roommates... do nothing; half of the time I have the apartment to myself. It's times like this when I can open the washing machine lid and stare at my clothes getting dragged to the bottom of the bowl by the agitator. I start to day dream about getting sucked into the agitator and coming out on the other side, running through a plush green field with clean white clothes on, worrying about slipping and getting a grass stain. Then the spin cycle starts and my day dream is lost due to the sounds of my screams.
I listen to talk radio too much. Sometimes I lose myself, spending the better part of an hour listening to someone argue with people about something someone might or might not have done over 30 years ago. I do not care if Kerry burned down a village, stabbed holes in the tires of his own cargo planes, and tried to see how high he could jump when he shot his gun straight at the ground NOR do I care if he got an award for getting hurt when he was trying these fun stunts. I equally do not care if Bush was actually hiding from the boogie man in a cave during Vietnam or if he was actually trying to fly one of those fighters over there because he did not know how far away it was.
This kind of irrelevant, slow-news-day banter distracts from real issues and causes someone like me to want commit civil disobedience. (If you add civil before a word it makes it ok. Civil regicide and civil grand theft auto are some of the best kinds.) Civil disobedience that will create voter awareness is the best kind you can do. I want to target the issues that are the most important to people .
Tonight I went to the Honda Civic Hybrid dealer. I had a stack of Bush/Cheney bumper stickers. I began putting them on each of the bulky bumper of each automobile. I was about half way though the stack when some lights started coming after me. It was a police man. He told me that I should let the customers decide what bumper sticker they want to use and that some may not even want them! I told the officer that he was crazy because I knew that everyone was going to put that sticker on there anyway and that the Honda dealer would probably be calling me tomorrow for the increase in business sales. Since the police man watched the news he had no idea what to think anymore so he readily agreed. He even had a great idea to put a free gun on every driver's seat!
Next, the police man and I went to a Nascar event. We started driving around the track with a 16 year old SUV. It had a 13' x 13' square piece of metal welded to the front since Nascar people like welding. We bent the edges forward so it was concave and provided as much wind resistance as possible. I also put a sail on the top and out the side windows along with parachutes hanging out the back. There were gas powered fans excessively glued all around the exterior and set to high speed all the time, oscillating into oblivion. Oh yeah, I also stabbed a hole in the fuel and oil hoses so it needed a crew to constantly fill it while it was driving. We hired Ralph Nader to sit atop the vehicle to hold up a "Save the Environment" sign for extra wind resistance. On the big screens of the Nascar place was a monitor of the back seat of the car displaying gay people doing gay things to each other. Below was a ticker advertising for free abortions and a health food bar after the race.
I think it was a big hit and now everyone should know who to vote for since I have touched on all of the important issues of the day. It is a lucky thing that the world is so black and white because otherwise this might not have worked.
posted by Ghengis @ 10:57 PM,
3 Conflict(s):
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At August 10, 2004 at 1:53 PM,
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Your washing machine still works when you open it? Huh.
The new TBS CD (well new-ish) is sooooooo good. And the My Chemical Romance CD (three cheers for sweet revenge) is not bad either...
Have a good Tuesday,
--tmtt -
At August 10, 2004 at 11:13 PM,
Ghengis has news of...
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Yeah it still does work. I think that's why I'm facinated by it since I've never been able to watch that before. I was going to include the fact that I studied under the man that actually designed the modern washing machine agitator design but I thought that fact was boring and made me sound like I somehow had a hand in its design. Also "studied under" is misleading because half of the time the TA taught that class. It is time to let go of college.
As always, thanks!
Have a good (wednes)day. -
At August 11, 2004 at 2:01 PM,
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What? Something like that should go on your resume. Definitely. I bet it would get you a lot of job offers.
That, coupled with your fascination of watching large home appliances, I bet they would hire you to be the next Maytag man.
Instead of opening and closing a refridgerator to see if the light stays on, you could open and close a washing machine to see if it keeps spinning.
Except maybe I think they got rid of that commercial a couple years ago.
