Freak Show
Thursday, September 23, 2004
The other day, I had to go to my least favorite town in the Tri-State area. I could not guess why someone would want to celebrate the founding of this town, but someone has decided to hold a yearly festival. They must feel the need to celebrate their numerous one-way streets that lead to dead ends and entire neighborhoods that are controlled by free range rabies dogs. I bet the dogs told the city council that it is still summer.
As luck would have it, the one place I had to be in this town was at the center of carnie-ville. They were just setting up tents, duct taping dangerous rides together, and making it hard to win at the game where you throw rocks at a concrete wall in order to win a plastic spider ring. I figured I could infiltrate the porous perimeter set up by sporadically placed fences, complete my tests, and escape without incident.
I searched the ground for the necessary test points until I found what I was looking for. It was partially made inaccessible by a carnie trailer but still manageable. I could hear the carnival song pumping out of a boombox inside. I imagined a bunch of carnies inside bobbing their head to the beat of fast piano playing and trumpet sounds. It's probably the only way to get through running rides all day.
Nearby was a group of carnies idly chatting about rigging the ring toss or something. They must have been the celebrity carnies since they did not have to get up early to set up tents. With a second sweeping glance I could tell that they were pretty important. The Human Fly, some midgets, the Bearded Lady, the Hat-less Baseball Player, and Truthtelling Politician were all there. I even got to see the Child with a Tail being rushed into the trailer by Lobster-Eyed Mom.
When I knelt down to perform tests a great hush went over the crowd. I could feel their eyes burning a hole in my back as I went about my work ignoring them as best they could. I knew they either thought I had something to do with the festival or that I was planting bombs under their trailers right before their eyes. I heard the baseball player whisper to the side, "Man, what's that feller doin'?" I hate to leave people without quelling their worries so, when I was done, I walked over to tell them the truth.
"Hi, I'm the new side show attraction - The Guy that walks around carrying bomblike things that aren't bombs." I said opening my arms to present myself.
"That ain't no talent," said the politician.
"It needs a little work," said the fly man.
"Get out of here you freak!" cried the baseball player.
"Wait," said the bearded lady pushing her way through the group to get to me, "let me see if he knows the password."
She told me to whisper the carnie password into her ear so that no one would hear. I didn't know what to say so I leaned forward to try to whisper something but when I did some of her beard parts tickled my mouth. It was a long beard and I don't usually put my mouth near beards so when it tickled me I let out a great gasping laugh.
The lady reared back holding her ear like she had just been made deaf. I tried to apologize but the damage was done. The bearded lady motioned to the midgets. The midgets opened a cage and the Dog-Face Boy bounded out. He chased me for blocks before I tricked him with a dog treat skillfully thrown in a sewer grate.
I needed the exercise though. Yesterday, I was sitting in my truck and the spring harness gave way dropping me down 2 inches.
posted by Ghengis @ 9:46 PM,
1 Conflict(s):
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At September 25, 2004 at 6:23 AM,
has news of...
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it is to be expected. you need non-bending springs now.
i'm in bed. my eyes are closing.
you're welcome.
~fluttergirlcreaturerevidescentwhatever
