Y2K6
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I have been meaning to get to this but have not had the time. Everything happens one hour later now and I can't keep anything straight. For the first time in my entire life I had to change my clocks for this thing called Daylight Saving Time. You may have heard of it.
I woke up last Sunday just like every Sunday; with a headache at 11:30AM searching for a cup of water and looking through my cell phone log for mistakes. Everything was entirely normal. There was a lot of noise outside, however. The sun was on so it looked like it was probably a nice day. I went outside to see what all of the racket was about.
Well I moved into a cul-de-sac to avoid traffic and crazy people just passing through. The scene outside was chaos. Kids were running around screaming. That wasn't too unusual, but to see their parents in a similar state was alarming. My neighbor's hot wife was curled up on the lawn crying. She was holding a clock tight to her chest and rocking back and forth. Her daughter was screaming with tears running down her cheeks trying to gain her mother's attention sobbing, "Mommy! Daddy is scaring us!"
My neighbor was stumbling around bewildered. When he caught site of me he scuttled over. His glasses were cracked. I was a bit taken a back by the foam coming out of his mouth. "Dan!" he called. "What is the time? What is the time man!"
"Neighbor! There is foam coming out of your mouth. What is the problem?"
"One no... two... eleven thirty, eight tenths.. BAKING SODA MAN! We have to eat the baking soda or they will find us. Unless we had a way to decipher the time. Do you have the time?"
I turned to go back inside after assuring him that I would let him know. A noise spun my attention back to the yard. My other neighbor had pounced on neighbor number one. He had him pinned to the ground while his wife was tearing his left shoe off with her teeth. They both had foam in their mouths. When she removed his shoe the couple turned their attention towards me. "No, honey, he isn't wearing any shoes." They both tore across the yard stringing along a varied trail of left shoes tied together by the laces. They were obviously searching for more shoes.
I peered around the garage to see if I could help their next victim. Instead I witnessed them vaporized by a red light. It seemed that stoplight pole had uprooted itself and was walking around the neighborhood as if it was an old man looking for the house he grew up in so he could show his wife. The stainless steel beast stood about 20 feet high and the 3-colored light swiveled back and forth searching for victims. The green shone to search out people, the yellow light flashed a warning, and the red light loosed a beam of death upon any victims.
I turned to run back indoors but was quickly bathed in a soothing green light. It had a calming effect and soon a yellow strobe made everything slow down. I felt awake but in another world. Then I heard a loud noise. It getting louder and louder. I broke from the spell of the stoplight to witness a 777 jet crash on my street. The stoplight was smashed to pieces. A curved yellow plastic covered skittered to a halt at my feet.
When the jet stopped sliding the neighborhood was silent again. I took in a deep breath through my nose, stretched, and looked around at the damage. I was going back to bed. Besides it was only really 10:30AM. Once Indiana gets used to this DST thing most of the kinks will work themselves out.
PS - Chris' tooth jar did not have a tooth in it.
posted by Ghengis @ 11:41 PM,
